I tend to shy away from emotional rantings on public domains in general, but every once in a while cathartis is enjoyable and tonight seems to be one of those nights. So, seat belts everyone.

I was just reminded again this week of how blessed I am to have all my new friends around me. The church people especially. I dunno. I was just always such an awkward kid growing up. Not that I'm particularly grown up now, and I don't quite plan to yet. But when I was at the height of my puberty I suppose. Lol. There must be some other way to phrase that. Yeah, but like I was saying, being so awkward before and just keeping to myself all the time I think, was part of the reason why I never got to know all of these amazing people. You've all just been so warm and welcoming and... NICE (comprehensive, I know.) since I've come back and I've gotten to know a pretty good bunch of you guys especially and I really just thank God for placing all of you in my life.

I always look at photos and videos of the church stuff that happened when I was away and think how much I've missed out. But really I needed that time away. Not that I was entirely miserable before. I wasn't. But I guess it meant that I had to open up to people. When you live on a seperate continent from your family at age 15, you gotta find some support system and I found that to a large degree in the other boarders just because we spent so much time together and a lot of the time we were going through the same things. It wasn't so much letting everyone in on my deepest darkest skeletons, although I did enjoy my past-lights-out-chats-slash-video-watching-sessions with sheryl and my boy-swooning sessions with sue-may. But it was just sort of letting people kinda just figure out who I was. Letting my guard down in a less academically intense environment. Getting comfortable and open about what I am and what I wanna be. Weirdly, I miss being a boarder. Making milo toast and dropping crumbs on the couch. Watching the ellen show. Asking to borrow disney movies over the PA. Risking suspension and illegally sending people up and down in the service elevator. Showering past lights out. Staying in each other's room past lights out. Going for socials and then having to take of our shoes to climb the stairs when we get back so we don't CLANK up in our heels. Being locked out of the boarding house and yelling upstairs to the house mother's room when we go to school for late night events. Running back to the boarding house to sign out on a friday. Trying to make myself sick over the weekend so I don't have to sign back in on sunday. Boogie boarding and crashing into the rocks. Nearly drowning while taking the beach leave (yes, we only have a limited number of beach leaves). Having to wash my clothes like twice a week because I refuse to REWEAR my uniform (yuck). Eating crap boarding house food, like friggin make you own roll EVERY MONDAY, WEDNESDAY, FRIDAY AND SUNDAY. Lying on the lawn in front of the boarding house until the discipline mistress makes a PA annoucement for the boarders to "PLEASE MAKE YOUR WAY OFF THE LAWN AND TO YOUR CLASSES". Walking out of the boarding house when the first siren goes and still making it to link (that's Australian for home room) on time. Taking random walks up to the oval and down to chapel valley in the evening. Packing up my whole room and shifting every semester. Kicking Terri's crap back over to HER SIDE of the room. Hacking into the school accounts of day girls and using their internet quota (they never use it anyways!). Barely making it across the field to my locker clutching all my books for the day in my arms because I can't be bothered bringing a bag to school because I feel that the 10 second journey to my locker from the boarding house isn't worth my packing and unpacking efforts. Blasting music from kelsey's speakers with her door open and dancing down the corridor. Taping "DO NOT DISTURB. STUDYING. THANKS" signs to my door and still having people burst into my room and lie on my bed... in their uniform... after school. -.-

But I digress in indulging my nostalgia. In all seriousness, looking back, I've only been officially back in singapore for good for about 3 months and I suddenly love all these people around me so much. Maybe it's the massive amounts of free time I've had as well. But I can't believe how fantastic all these people here are and how I never got to know any of them at all until now. As in they're actually SUCH lovely lovely people. And I mean, I had good friends in Perth and all, but for some strange reason it's just different here. The dynamics are just different. Like the care and love that people have shown me since I've been back... just I'd never see that in Perth ever. At least amongst most of the people I hang out with anyways. It was more of a club-kids sort of group in Perth I guess. Socials, balls, party buses. Beach, techno music. All that. Which was fun. And still is fun and I miss it a bit. Getting dressed up and dancing for hours and then eating ALL the finger food available to restock on energy (well, I did. My friends would just shake their heads while standing to one side as they watched me.) and then dancing some more. Getting random's numbers slash getting asked for your number by randoms. Yelling along with our favourite songs that are being blasted so loudly we can feel our internal organs pumping along to the music. Yelling out and waving to randoms while dancing in party buses.

Haha. Now I sound super hardcore. But it's just the culture there. And I enjoyed my time there. But I really am so glad I came back. Late suppers after worship. Nasi lemak slash coffee shop lunching post service. Eating illegally in the sanctuary. Randomly jamming on level 4. Eating until stupid at bbqs slash buffets. I'd take all that over a sweaty crowd of utterly pissed teenagers any day. Well, virtually any day. I'm a teenager who likes a party once in a while. Sue me. Lol. Seriously though, everyone who I've gotten to know has been so gorgeous and fantastic and loving and supportive and just a bunch of people I really look up to and admire. And I feel like I'm a better person just because I've gotten to know you guys. Like, this isn't the me that takes two years to figure out if I want to open up to someone. To let them know any personal details about me. Most of my friends in Perth don't even know I have a sister. And it's not that I'm not close to her and therefore I don't mention her. Anyone who's seen my sister and me together will know we're pretty close. It's just I don't talk about stuff usually to anyone. I just sort of react to what they're saying and kinda make them laugh a bit. Maybe it's the people. As in, you people are all just such good dudes, and I love and respect all of you so much. I dunno.

In any case, thank you each for just being who you are. I've never really had a group of friends like this before. Like before I left I was a bit of a spas and all and then in Perth, it was just a different culture. Plus my travelling up and down didn't helped much. But with this group I feel like I've known them for forever, although clearly I haven't. I feel like I can open up to them, like I can trust them and know that they'll always be there for me. And I always have such a good time whenever we hang out. Honestly. Maybe it's the fact that we're all on the same page. Like at the end of it all, we all are committed to God and love God and have the common understanding that whatever happens will happen according to God's will?? I have no idea what I'm saying. I have no idea why we all get along so well. Haha. But whatever it is, I truly thank God for it. I thank God for the massive blessing that he's given to me in you guys.